Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
