Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
