I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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