Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
