I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's just like the Real World with babies
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
