my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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