Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
