Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
