I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hippo gnu deer
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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