i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
