I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
In America we eat man semen.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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