Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh god the rape fog is back!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
