Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
