dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
