Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
