it wasn't lemon gatorade
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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