I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
