Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize