Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
