Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
