He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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