It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
