my mouth tastes like poor choices
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
