she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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