we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize