Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize