Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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