When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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