Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
