am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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