Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
