I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
