People in love make me want to vomit
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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