I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
