I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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