Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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