Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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