He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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