don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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