No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
