just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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