dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
All I want is dick and wine.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize