a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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