on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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