Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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