At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
