Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
