maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
