one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
