Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
