so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
