Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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