oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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