I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
