it wasn't lemon gatorade
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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