So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
