I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
