but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
