i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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