we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
