I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize