yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
