does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
