is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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