ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
