At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
In America we eat man semen.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
