Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
