hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
