you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
