I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
