Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
