She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm passing your future prison.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The power of my boobs compel you
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
