so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
