I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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