I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
