In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
