I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
