you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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