The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
