I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He shit in the fireplace
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
