whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He passed out mid-signature
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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