btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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