Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
