theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
