You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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