my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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