Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
