My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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