I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
3 2 1 whiskey
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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