can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
