There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
