i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
