Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
