if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Someone came in the potted fern
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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