I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
