those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
