i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize